If I Cannot Have You
by Yumemakura
Summary: After a confrontation with Hephaistion, Craterus tries to remember why and how he started to hate the younger General.
1. Chapter 1:  Encounter

**Title: If I Cannot Have You**

**A/N:** A reader requested a story that is an extended version of one of my drabbles prompted by "It's not what you think". This is an expansion of Craterus' POV. Thank you for giving me an idea.

_**Whenever I hear your voice, I make a disgusted face.  
>Whenever I see you smile at the king, I call you a whore.<br>I test your patience, and push you to the limit biting into piece by piece.  
>I know that you think I treat you so because I am jealous.<strong>_

_**But the truth is, it's not what you think.  
>The truth is that I am not jealous of you, but of the king.<br>If I cannot have you, then it is best to keep you as far away from me as possible, and attack you before I get hurt.**_

**Chapter 1: Encounter**

"You are nothing without me!"

Alexander's voice rang in his head repeatedly like a mantra. Craterus should have felt good, as he had finally succeeded in defeating Hephaistion. And even better, it was not he who had done it, but Alexander whom Hephaistion loved the most and trusted unconditionally. He could not have expected a better result.

Yet, his heart was heavy as if dark clouds had suddenly settled in. The image of Hephaistion's broken figure permanently burned into his eyes and brain. The younger general tried to hide the pain behind the long chestnut brown hair, but Craterus could still see it in his empty blue orbs through the curtain of the strands.

Hephaistion bit his bottom lip so hard that a fine line of crimson blood seeped onto his almost translucent pale thin skin. He kept his regal posture as much as he could, but Craterus did not miss that the point of the sword that almost touched the ground was slightly trembling in his tight grip. He was doing his best to keep cool, but Craterus saw his chest heaving heavily as if to fight against an unseen weight that was crushing his heart.

Craterus was confused with his own reaction. He should be jumping up and down in celebration for seeing the defeated nemesis in front of his eyes. Yet he froze in silence with the rest of the stunned audience.

"Go back to your own tents, and stay there until further notice! Both of you!"

The king spat out the words before turning around quickly to go back to the royal tent. His jaw clenched, and his hands in tight balls at his sides.

Alexander's irritated voice broke a spell of heavy stillness. The crowd abandoned the circle one by one leaving only the two generals behind. When all the soldiers had gone, Craterus turned around, and cast back a gaze one last time onto his unmoving opponent before walking back to his tent. He had to squint his eyes in the effort of reducing the intensity of the setting rays of light. Hephaistion's black silhouette contrasted against the crimson sun.

As soon as he returned to his tent, Craterus ordered the servant to bring uncut wine. A sudden exhaustion made him sit in the chair with a thud. He gulped the first cup in one go; it burned his throat and settled at the pit of his stomach. He hastily poured the second cup, but this time he took time to nurse it. It was a strong Macedonian wine. As he tasted the excellent quality on his tongue, it lured him into the memory of the past.

**oooOooo**

Craterus was thirteen years old when he first met with Alexander and Hephaistion. His father who was a noble man in Orestis, northwest region of Pella, sent him to the palace to serve as a page of the Macedonian court. It was a custom of the noble families in the kingdom to send their sons to the palace in order to show their loyalty to the King. In return, their sons received an excellent education and training to be a future officer of the Macedonian army.

Craterus looked forward for the day to come. His brother Amphoterus who was three years older than him was already serving as a page, and the occasional letter from him reflected an exciting life of a city; the shops that sold rare goods from exotic countries, the banquets filled with all kinds of entertainments that lasted all night. It sounded like a totally different world for a boy who had grown up in a small town that was surrounded by nothing but mountains.

Craterus' first experience of the Agora was almost intoxicating. His brother took him to the market with his friends on Craterus' first free day in Pella. So many people were on the street, and so much noise surrounded him. He felt dizzy just trying to avoid bumping into others. People flowed constantly like a current that never stopped. The life in the city was indeed exciting.

The luxury and the size of the palace that hugged the whole hillside stunned young Craterus as well. Breathtakingly beautiful pebble mosaics decorated the floor and the wall along with colorful paintings and the statues of the twelve gods of Mount Olympus. It well demonstrated the rising power of the Macedonian empire. It made Craterus feel proud to be a part of it.

However, after the initial enthusiasm had passed, life as a page at the palace became rather boring. The typical day started with the army training; both physical exercise and the lectures and lessons mainly in politics and rhetoric. He loved and exceeded in spear and sword sparring, but rhetoric was his weakest subject. He was a kind of person whose muscle of the body moved before the muscle of the mouth.

After the exercise, they took turns to guard the king's chamber at the door. It was obvious that nobody was reckless enough to attack the King in the palace, but it was another training to teach discipline to the youth. Amphoterus told Craterus that he would eventually have an opportunity to go hunting with the king's party, but it had not happened to him yet.

It was one clear afternoon in autumn. Craterus was on the way to the palace for his duty as a guard. When he turned at the corner of the corridor, he thought that he had spotted a shadow cross the courtyard, and stopped. Prepared for the worst, he tensed, and searched for an intruder. Instead, he found a child hiding behind the bush that bore clusters of amethyst colored berries. Time stopped around him where he suddenly noticed the exotic thick fragrance of sweet laurel in the air.

Stunning blues met with his dark browns through the gaps of the berried branches. Shoulder length chestnut brown hair framed the child's perfect oval face. Craterus could not tell if the child was a boy or a girl, so he had concluded that he had seen Eros. His eyes actually searched for the wings that could be tacked in behind the back of the child. The child was too beautiful to be a human.

"Hephaistion! Where are you?"

'_Hephaistion? Is it the child's name? He must be a boy, then.'_

As Craterus' dreamy mind vaguely registered the fact, he saw another child with golden hair running through the corridor toward him. He did recognize this child; it was prince Alexander. He had seen him with king Philip on the first day of his assignment.

He still remembered an uneasy sensation he had felt when he met with the young prince's mesmerizing eyes. The edge of the orbs was defined with black circumference, and the pale iris was almost golden color with green speckles. They changed the shade of the color from hazel brown to pale blue green depending on the angles and the lighting conditions. They were also too cold and wise to belong to a seven-year-old boy.

When he looked back to the child behind the bush, the boy smiled at him, and put his forefinger in front of his lips signaling Craterus to be quiet. It was a kind of smile that made you forget who you were, and let you lower the guard of your last gate. Noticing Craterus standing in the middle of the corridor like a stunned animal, Alexander stopped by him and followed the gaze of the new page. He grinned widely, and sprinted to the bush as he found what he was looking for.

"Hephaistion! I found you! Why did you escape from your birthday party?"

"It was getting boring. I'd rather like to play with you than sitting there, and opening all those presents."

"Well, then, why didn't you say anything but to run away?"

"I couldn't ask you in front of the guests. My father won't allow it, but I thought if I just disappeared, and you didn't see me for a while, then you might come get me. It worked, didn't it, Alexander?"

"Yes, it did."

"Now let's go and play."

"What would you like to play, Hephaistion? Would you like to play the Sheikh and his great warrior again?"

"Fine, Alexander, but can I have my own scimitar this time? I don't want to be just protected. I'd like to fight myself."

"All right Hephaistion, let's fight together against the evil monster then."

With this, the two children ran toward the sun hand in hand leaving a delightful laughter behind. They shone in the setting sun like two jewels before changing into one silhouette. Craterus felt a pang of jealousy rise up in his mind. It seemed that those children had created their own world to live in where nobody could enter. Craterus certainly had friends he did play with, but none of them were close enough to share the whole world.

Craterus stood there in bright stillness as if somebody had cast a spell on him until two children had disappeared into the deep end of the garden. He wondered if he would ever meet somebody with whom he could share the world like those two children. He envied them for what he did not have, but he had not hated Hephaistion just yet.

TBC

**A/N: ** In this story, Craterus is six years older than Alexander and Hephaistion. He also has an older brother, not a younger brother as most of the references suggest.


	2. Chapter 2:  Awakening

**Chapter 2: Awakening**

Craterus poured himself the third cup of wine, this time mixing it with water. The last ray of the sun had gone in the foreign land, and the darkness was starting to fill the tent. The servant came in with a supper tray, and set it on the small table beside Craterus. He exited as quickly as he could when he finished lighting up an oil lamp, as if he was afraid of being caught by his master's dark mood.

"Bring me more wine!"

Craterus threw an order at the back of the leaving servant. He glanced at the food, but nothing seemed to be tempting. Instead, he swallowed another gulp of wine. It tasted bittersweet, just like that one day in early spring in Pella.

**oooOooo**

On Craterus' second year in Pella, King Philip left the palace for the Chalcidice peninsula to complete an expulsion of the remaining Greek colonies in Macedonian land. It was his first duty as a page at the battlefield. Craterus did not participate in the actual battle at the field, but just hearing the roars, drums and trumpet from the distant camp made his blood boil with excitement.

They defeated the city-state of Olynthus, then demolished and razed thirty-one Greek cities to the ground in Chalcidice. Even if Craterus did not actually fight, he felt as proud as the rest of the army when they returned to Pella with a victory. In the next five years for Craterus, it was a repeat of going to war for a while, and coming back to Pella for regrouping and preparing for another war.

Each time when Craterus came back from the expedition, he found Hephaistion had grown taller and his silky hair had become longer. The baby fat had disappeared from his body, and the sharper lines had replaced the soft lines. Hephaistion was changing from a boy to an adolescent, and he was becoming more beautiful if that was even possible. The only things that had not changed were Hephaistion's intense blue eyes and the fact that the prince was seen wherever Hephaistion was.

When Alexander became thirteen years old, King Philip decided to invite a famous philosopher, Aristotle, to tutor his son. The philosopher had been teaching at the academy in Athens, but he left the school upon his master Plato's death when it was passed from his master to his nephew Speusippus.

The king called Aristotle back from the island of Lesbos, and appointed him as the head of the royal academy of Macedon. Upon accepting King Philip's invitation, Aristotle had requested two conditions. One was to build an academy away from the palace, and the other was to have a group of students to study with the prince.

Granting Aristotle's requests, King Philip had them build a school in the Nymphaion of Mieza at the foot of Mount Vermion that was about a half-day horse ride from the palace of Pella. Craterus had been there only once when he helped Alexander move in, but he still remembered the beauty of the place.

Craterus was not particularly a sensitive person, yet he could feel the magical power of the place. A narrow shady path wound up off the main road leading to the compact yet airy stone building named as the temple of Nymphs. The lower part of the building was open, and was used for Aristotle to give lectures and lead discussion among the students. The upper part was used for accommodation.

The path ran parallel with the crystal clear spring stream before parting from it and climbing up. The fragrance of wild flowers that bloomed along the banks, the sparkling golden lights reflected in the stream, and the dancing rays shed down from the cracks of the thick branches made it possible to believe that the place was actually the sanctuary of the nymphs. It was the very reason why the name Nymphaion was given to the area.

Craterus was not certain if he was pleased or disappointed. The king and Alexander had selected a handful of students who were the sons of Macedonian nobles to study with Alexander. Ptolemy, Cassander, Harpalus, and the sons of Proxenos; Nichanor and Nearchus were among them along with Hephaistion, but Craterus was not.

After securing the border regions of Macedon, King Philip was preparing his army to move northward across Thrace. This time, Craterus was to follow the king not as a page but as a soldier under Parmenion's command. He was not just a foot soldier either, after the last campaign, he was promoted to lochagos, a file leader of heavy infantry phalanxes. It was a great honor for a young man of nineteen years old.

However, at the bottom corner of his heart, Craterus could not help but feel left out. He was happy to make a steady progress in King Philip's army, and he was not particularly fond of learning politics and philosophy under Aristotle, but he felt as if he was excluded from becoming a part of the tight knit circle of Alexander's friends.

Craterus especially felt the difference when he came back from Byzantium. On the latest expedition to the east, the Macedonian army had confronted with Scythians near the Danube. Although the enemy had larger numbers in their army, Philip miraculously won the battle, and the Scythian king, Areas, was killed. The Macedonians took twenty thousand Scythians as slaves.

Yet, on the way back to Macedon, Thracian Triballians attacked the convoy. It was a hard battle. The Macedonians not only lost their booty, but also King Philip himself received a severe injury to his leg that made him lame for the rest of his life. They were forced to come home with empty hands despite the victory. Craterus was now twenty-three years old and he was already the captain of a company, but the bitter feelings of the defeat that lingered in his mind were inevitable.

On the contrary, Craterus was greeted with the glory of Alexander who had been left as a regent of Macedon. While King Philip was absent, the Thracian Maedi revolted. Alexander who was only sixteen years old at that time led the army with his friends, and crushed the Maedi. He colonized the city with Greeks, and named it Alexandropolis.

"Welcome back father."

"Hum. I heard that you fought very well against the rebels while I was gone."

"Thank you father, but I could not have done it without help from my friends."

Looking at the proud faces of Alexander and his friends, Craterus felt that he had missed something important, again. The bond of friendship between Alexander and his friends from Mieza was definitely stronger.

"And you named the city after you?"

King Philip stated a bit accusingly.

"I thought you would not mind me rewarding myself. It was my first booty."

Alexander replied without showing any humiliation.

At that moment, a young man approached from behind Alexander and whispered something into his ear. Craterus immediately recognized that it was Hephaistion. The chestnut brown hair that now reached to the shoulder blades spilled over his cheek as he slightly bent his head to the side to speak to Alexander. His thin limbs were now filled with powerful muscles, and his jaw line was more defined. His beauty was stunning.

"And father, let us present our booty for you."

With this, Hephaistion brought a magnificent Arabian steed, and presented him to Philip. It had a rare coat of blue roan with black mane and tail.

"Hephaistion caught him while he was running away with no master on his back."

"Beautiful! Stunningly beautiful!"

Philip exclaimed totally forgetting the early accusation to Alexander.

Craterus noticed a shadow crossed Alexander's face when he saw his father's eyes were fixed on Hephaistion longer than on the horse while the king patted the back of the stallion.

It was not until next year that Craterus fully understood what Alexander's worry was. As soon as the injury had healed enough for him to go back to the battlefield, Philip assembled the largest army ever and left for the center of Greece. The king gave an important commanding position to his son; to lead the whole left wing of heavy and light cavalry, and meet the opponents in the field of Chaeronea.

Craterus saw how Alexander fought for the first time at the field. Besides the ability to read the situation and see the opportunity in the blink of an eye, once he had decided, Alexander moved like a sudden gale of wind; the speed was the biggest difference from any other commanders. Craterus watched Alexander's cavalry totally crush the elite Theban infantry, the famous Sacred Band of Thebes, almost in fright.

It was the Macedonians' triumph. Everybody including the king admitted that it was eighteen-year-old Alexander who brought the victory to the Macedonians. Celebration of the victory after the battle was always loud. Wine induced exaggerated war stories were exchanged over the open fire. It was also the time when they strengthened the bonds of camaraderie.

Craterus could never quite make himself used to the openness. He often sat among joking soldiers in silence that made others feel uneasy. It was not because he did not enjoy being among a group of people, but because he did not know what to say. Before Craterus could come up with any witty reply, the conversation had usually jumped to other subjects, and he was left without a word.

As the night grew old, the party gradually died down. As soon as the first soldier left the group to his tent, Craterus followed suit to call it a night. He lay down on the narrow cot stretching his aching body. When he closed his eyes, he saw the vivid image of Alexander and his companions running through the battlefield like a spring gust. His body shivered with excitement.

Craterus woke up in the middle of the night with the need of release. He went out of the tent and walked away from the camp toward the river. The bright full moon silently shone upon the field as if nothing had happened during the day and convinced that it was only a daydream. When he was just about to turn around after emptying his bladder among tall grass, Craterus stopped. He thought that he heard a splash of water.

It was Alexander and Hephaistion who were coming out of the river. Craterus squatted behind the reeds and swallowed. They were both fully erect. His eyes were drawn to the slender figure of Hephaistion. It was of course not the first time that Craterus had seen another man's erection, but it looked almost numinous on Hephaistion's body that floated in the dark reflecting the silver blue rays.

Alexander lay on a linen sheet that was spread on the grass at the bank. He extended his hand to his friend. Hephaistion took his hand, and sat on Alexander's pelvis spreading his knees on either side of Alexander's hip. He bent over and started to kiss Alexander from the abdomen up to the chest. Craterus could see every detail of the lithe movement of their muscles.

As if he were charmed Craterus was rooted to the spot, and could not take his eyes off of them. Their kiss deepened, and Hephaistion sunk himself over Alexander with a hot exhaling breath. Alexander steadied Hephaistion by holding onto his waist. They moved in unison with each pant, until they came to a complete stillness. Alexander arched his back. As Hephaistion threw back his head and shuddered, his pearls were shot in the air.

Craterus sat there panting. At that very moment, he understood the meaning of the shadow on Alexander's face he had seen when Hephaistion presented a horse to King Philip. It was the shadow of possessiveness. Alexander was baring his teeth to his rival who eyed his prey. Craterus was astonished.

The image of Hephaistion's white tender throat, and his beautiful face that was contorted in bliss haunted Craterus like a fever, and burned his skin night after night. But, he did not yet hate Hephaistion then.

TBC

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Thank you for your encouraging reviews. You all made me very happy ^_^**


	3. Chapter 3:  Secret

**Chapter 3: Secret**

The servant who brought more wine and water interrupted Craterus' train of thought. As he placed the pitchers on the table, he exited as quickly as before in hope of retiring for the night before receiving another order from the brooding General.

'Coward! ' Craterus muttered.

Coward was the last word that reminded him of Hephaistion.

**oooOooo**

After Chaeronea, Philip slowed down his military campaigns, and worked diligently on political issues. He strategically placed Macedonian garrisons in the key cities of Greece. He also organized the League of Corinth, and appointed himself as the Commander of the Greeks. The Macedonians had finally secured peace with Greece; at least it seemed that was the direction where they were heading to on the surface. The next step was to prepare for the invasion of the Persians.

While organizing for the Persian invasion, Philip took another wife, Eurydice, a niece of General Attalus. Although this was Philip's sixth marriage, Eurydice was the first wife of Macedonian blood. The wedding banquet started in a cheerful mood in the shadows of a delicate matter; everybody envisaged possible political conflict between the King and the first prince Alexander if Eurydice should ever bear a son.

The mood changed rather quickly when Attalus gave a toast.

"Cheers to the King of Greece, soon to be the King of Asia and his Macedonian bride."

The first toast was cheered by all, however as soon as Attalus made the second toast, silence fell over the banquet.

"And … and to the legitimate heir."

Everybody's attention was directed to the young prince who stared at his new relative with a burning gaze. It became so quiet and tense that it felt as if even the sounds of their breathing could be heard.

"Are you saying that I am not legitimate?"

Alexander's voice was dangerously calm, yet Attalus seemed to be too drunk and too caught up with his own thoughts to notice it. A flash of doubt crossed Craterus' mind. He wondered if it was actually Attalus' intentional plan to provoke Alexander.

Craterus had no respect for this older General; even his appearance said that he was not a true soldier. The man was not fat, but the undefined and flabby lines of his figure proved that he lacked in daily training and self-discipline. He was a sleazy and power hungry corrupted man. The only thing that he exceeded in was his sexual appetite. He matched the greediness of king Philip.

Craterus still remembered the incident that happened while they were on campaign in Illyria. In a drunken stupor, Attalus raped a young soldier, Pausanias from Orestis. Craterus could not call himself a good friend of this soldier who was just a year older than him, but he still felt somewhat closer to him than anybody else since he was from the same region.

Pausanias was not particularly beautiful, but he had an attractive smile and well defined body with tanned skin. Craterus heard the rumor that he once was a beloved of king Philip, but was recently replaced by a younger boy. He also heard that although Pausanias reported Attalus' crime to king Philip, the General escaped from his punishment by dedicating his own daughter to the King.

Furthermore, he managed to convince Philip to promote Pausanias to the somatophylax in order to shut the victim's mouth down. Attalus was the kind of man who had no shame, and even sold his own mother to save his life. Craterus was alarmed when he saw a cunning expression on the General's round face as he responded to Alexander.

"No, prince, I am just stating the fact that the son of Eurydice is a Macedonian full blood. Unlike your mother, as my niece is a daughter of a Macedonian noble man."

"Are you calling me a bastard, and insulting my mother!"

"If that means telling the truth."

The young prince could not control his temper any longer, and threw a cup that he had in his hand at the General. It almost grazed Attalus' eye. A fight broke out on both sides, and all of a sudden, the banquet turned into chaos.

"Who do you think you are to ruin my celebration banquet?"

Philip's voice roared, but Alexander did not flinch.

"He is the one who insulted me and my mother! Are you not doing anything about it?"

"Do not tell me what I should do. I am the king! You are the one who should obey me, or do you listen only to your mother? Apologize to the General!"

"No! I have not done anything wrong!"

"You refuse to obey me?"

With this, King Philip unsheathed his sword and tried to run to his son. Craterus saw in amazement that Hephaistion put his hand on the hilt ready to fight even against the King to protect Alexander. Luckily, the King was too drunk to pursue his attack and fell to the ground before he could reach his son. To this day, Craterus did not understand why king Philip had ever listened to an incompetent such as Attalus.

Craterus learned on the next morning that Alexander fled to Epirus with his mother and Hephaistion. However, Alexander's exile did not last long. After six months into it, Philip had to call him back; he knew that he needed Alexander's battle skills for a successful invasion of Asia.

After Alexander and Hephaistion came back from the exile, Craterus could see that they were even closer than before, and madly in love with each other. Although they had never shown intimacy in public, Craterus could easily see through it from how they looked at each other.

Each time when Craterus witnessed how flawlessly their silent words of passion passed in between them, it made him uncomfortable reminding him of the night in Chaeronea. The image of two naked bodies entwined and moving together as one in the moonlight invaded his mind, and made his heart clench with longings.

Although it seemed that the relationship between father and son had improved after the exile, in the next year, fate had made them apart once more. It was the wedding arrangement for Alexander's half-brother Arrhidaeus with a daughter of the Persian satrap of Caria that caused this ordeal.

Taking this as a threat to his status to be an heir, and with advise from his friends, Alexander sent an actor to the satrap to stop the offer. He suggested to the satrap that he should offer his daughter to him instead. This did not settle well with the King, as it was the second time that Alexander had disobeyed him. He punished Alexander once more by exiling him with his four friends, Ptolemy, Nearchus, Harpalus, and Erigyius, who were believed to be involved with the incident.

The second exile was not as emotional as the first one for king Philip, but it was the harder one for Alexander, as the King did not allow him to take Hephaistion with him. Philip silenced his son's protest by saying that obviously Hephaistion was not involved with this scheme, and it was not fair to punish the innocent man.

It was not until three days later into Alexander's exile that Craterus found that there was another hidden agenda to this arrangement. Craterus was on the way to the officer's room in the palace to meet with general Parmenion to report the list of required supply for his unit in order to prepare for the upcoming expedition to Asia. As he passed in front of the King's chamber, he ran into Parmenion who had just come out of the room.

Craterus halted out of surprise. It was not the sudden appearance of the General that startled him, but how he came out of the king's chamber; he carried Hephaistion by putting one arm over his shoulder, and the other wrapped around Hephaistion's waist to support him.

"That snake, Attalus! He is nothing but trouble."

Craterus heard Parmenion murmur. Noticing frozen Craterus standing in front of him, Parmenion ordered.

"Help me to bring him back to his room, Craterus." And he turned back to the pages, who were guarding the King's chamber at the door, "Send a physician to Hephaistion's room. And I think it is clear without even saying, but no words about this. Expect a severe punishment if you say anything. Understood?"

"Yes, sir." The pages answered to the General in pale rigid face without looking at their superior.

Craterus took Hephaistion's free arm, and wrapped it around his neck. They carried away the almost unconscious Hephaistion to his room. It was still early in the morning, and luckily, they did not meet with anybody on the way. Craterus wanted to ask Parmenion what was wrong with Hephaistion, but there was something about Parmenion that prevented him from questioning.

It was not until they lay Hephaistion on the bed that Craterus understood what had actually happened to the younger man. When Craterus lifted Hephaistion's legs onto the bed, he saw a streak of red blood run down Hephaistion's thigh. He whipped his head to look up at Parmenion. The General nodded to him before confirming Craterus' doubt. The image of king Philip looking at Hephaistion with lust, and Alexander's gaze of hatred toward his father when they came back from Byzantine was clearly projected in Craterus' mind.

"Do not tell anybody about this, especially Alexander. It will tip the balance of the relationship between the king and the prince, which is already not stable even without this incident. Don't let us fall into the trap of Attalus."

"Is Attalus behind this?"

"I believe he was the one who tempted and persuaded the king. He is well aware that the son of Eurydice would be named as an heir if Philip and Alexander's relation went sour. Stay here with Hephaistion tonight, and don't let anybody in. Nobody should know what happened last night in the king's chamber."

Craterus swallowed the uncomfortable lump in his throat, and nodded. The physician came in silence and left in silence after he treated Hephaistion without showing any emotions on his face. Craterus wondered if this was an everyday practice for a court physician, and he shivered at his own terrible thought.

Hephaistion looked so fragile and vulnerable lying on the bed. Craterus could not tell if Hephaistion was awake or asleep, but his eyes were tightly shut, and his fingers clenched onto the sheets, yet no sobbing escaped from his bitten down lips. Craterus had to try very hard not to gather this broken beautiful man in his arms to soothe him.

When the first light peeked through the thin curtain, Craterus got up.

"Please do not tell Alexander. I do not want him to find out. He has suffered enough …"

Hephaistion pleaded him in a small voice without opening his eyes. Almost forgotten a pang of jealousy rushed into Craterus' mind. Unlike Pausanias who begged revenge from his authoritarian lover, Hephaistion was putting Alexander before himself to protect him even if he was the one who was hurt so deeply. How could he be so self-sacrificing? Craterus rushed out the room feeling angry.

It was just that one night under Craterus' watch when Hephaistion had ever shown his fragility to others. It gave Craterus an illusion that he became closer to the younger man, that he had shared something special with Hephaistion. Yet, when Hephaistion's physical wound had healed, he went back to his normal duty, and acted as if nothing had happened. He even did not show any emotions to the King let alone not recognizing Craterus ever been there. If Craterus had not seen Hephaistion's icy cold gaze plastered onto Attalus' face, he would have believed that it happened only in his dream.

Hephaistion welcomed back the Prince with his usual brilliant smile when Alexander was called back home for his sister's wedding. Looking at the two forms hugging each other tightly in the cheers of their friends, Craterus made up his mind to tell Alexander what happened to Hephaistion while he was away. Craterus did not know why he decided to tell Alexander. Maybe it was because of the jealousy that made him wanted to destroy the perfect world of Alexander and Hephaistion, or maybe it was his wish to be a part of Alexander's inner circle, or it was simply to punish Hephaistion for ignoring him.

The reaction that Craterus received from Alexander was unexpected one. He was certain that Alexander would scream in rage and call Hephaistion to his side to confront with him to validate the information, yet the prince remained calm. He was eerie calm. Only the tightly clenched fists, and the twitching muscles under his eyes told Craterus that Alexander was under extreme stress.

"Who else knows about this?"

Alexander's voice was so low that it was almost a whisper.

"General Parmenion, Attalus, two pages who were guarding the door that night, and myself."

"Do not leak this to anybody. And don't tell Hephaistion that I know."

Alexander's eyes were so cold, and looked at him so intensely that Craterus could not hold his gaze.

A couple of months later, on the second day of the wedding celebration of his daughter Cleopatra and Olympias' brother Alexander of Epirus, king Philip was assassinated by Pausanias under the clear autumn sky. Looking at the contrasts of the bright blue sky, blood stained white chiton of king Philip lying on the yellow ground, and the golden wreath put on the new king's golden hair, Craterus could not help but muse if it was Alexander who was behind this murder.

It was almost unreal to think that Pausanias who had a rather simple and not so bright mind had been cooking the plan of revenge for almost eight long years before taking action. Could it be Alexander who provoked Pausanias to murder Philip to revenge his Hephaistion? Craterus did not have anybody to discuss his doubts with since all the witness besides him were on the way to the Hellespont to prepare for the upcoming campaign to invade Asia.

Both Alexander and Hephaistion now had a secret from each other. Hephaistion's secret was that he did not tell Alexander what Alexander's father did to him, and Alexander's secret was that he did not tell Hephaistion that he already knew about it. Yet, they both acted that they shared everything without any secrets, and their bond was so strong that nothing and nobody could come between them. Craterus was envious, and a little angry with Hephaistion for being so devoted to Alexander and not recognizing him, but he had not hated Hephaistion then, yet.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4:  Lies and Truth

**Chapter 4  
>Prompt: Truth andor Lies**

**Title: Lies and Truth**

Craterus poured himself another cup. The humming sound of the burning lamp was annoying like the ringing in the ears in the absolute silence. Looking at the small make shift bed in the corner, Craterus mused how long it had been since he had last slept in his own bed. It had been too long.

Since Philip was murdered and Alexander became the king of Macedon, they had been on an endless campaign. When they thought it was the end, Alexander always found another reason, another city and another land to conquer. Conquering Persia became conquering Asia, then the world. And the world was too vast. They should have stopped a long time ago.

After they defeated Darius for the second time at the battle of Gaugamela, and made a triumph march into Babylon, they thought that they had found their new home in the city that was magnificent enough to be called the capital of Asia. Yet, Alexander did not settle there. He told them that the real victory would not be theirs until they captured Darius.

Craterus still remembered the excitement they felt when they finally tracked down Darius, better yet, finding the corpse of Darius that was abandoned on the side of the road. Now they could surely go home, he thought, yet Alexander turned Darius into a reason for revenge, and the hunt continued to capture the traitors; Bessus and Nabarzanes. Bessus fled to Bactria, and Nabarzanes fled to Hyrcanya.

When they came so close that they could almost smell the fear of the enemy, Nabarzanes sent a pleading letter to Alexander. He requested a guarantee of his safety in exchange for surrender. To Craterus' surprise, Alexander accepted his offer. Nabarzanes brought a lot of presents with him to meet with Alexander in the mountain of Hyrcanya. Among them was a beautiful eunuch Bagoas.

"Great King, please accept my present. This is Bagoas, the eunuch. He was King Darius' favorite, and he would serve you in anyway you wish to."

Nabarzanes gave a smirk of lust, and everybody's eyes moved over onto this exotic creature. His features were not as sharp as most young men's at his age, but were not as soft as women's. His tentatively combed through coal black hair cascaded over his graceful shoulders from a slightly bowed head. It was true that the sight was a breath of fresh air among the dust-covered soldiers.

"Bagoas? Do you speak our language?"

"Yes, my King."

The eunuch answered the king with a slight accent. He kept his posture submissive, yet when he looked up at Alexander, his dark brown eyes flickered with a challenge; they were daring the king to refuse him if he could. The cockiness was seeping through his seductive flesh.

Alexander licked his lips unconsciously, and smiled. Craterus shivered when he thought that he saw the same carnal expression of Philip on Alexander's face for a brief passing moment. It had gone as quickly as it came, but Craterus did not miss that Hephaistion had also caught the sight as he saw the younger man's eyes widen with surprise.

"Very well. You will be my personal servant from now on. Come with me."

With this, Alexander left for his tent followed by the eunuch. One corner of Bagoas' lips curled up in triumph.

For the next couple of days, Alexander spent most of his time in his tent with Bagoas, and Hephaistion did not even go to the vicinity of the royal tent except for a dinner when Alexander made his officers gather to discuss his immediate plan. Bagoas stood right by Alexander's side during the dinner, and Craterus noticed that the young eunuch watched Hephaistion from time to time with a victorious smirk, while Hephaistion's gaze never fell upon him.

When they came down from the mountains, and were traveling around the countryside near the Caspian Sea, an unbelievable thing happened.

"What do you mean by he's gone?"

Alexander was furious at the pages, who were all shrunk to the ground.

"We were attacked." A young page murmured in a small voice.

"Who dared to attack Alexander's Army?"

"It was dark, and we could not see the rebels." The second page made an excuse. "We were busy fighting for our lives, they were too many."

"How many of them?"

"Seven, no, maybe ten, my king."

"Which way did they take him?

"We did not see, like I said we were too caught up with defending our lives."

"Still! You are saying that nobody saw anything?"

"Alexander, I do not think this leads us anywhere. Even if they had seen their faces, it is not easy to track the natives down without knowing who they are. Unless they had some kind of unique markings on them."

The pages looked up at Hephaistion thankfully.

"And we did not notice anything special. They just looked like normal locals."

"I will not give up! No matter what it takes, I will find my Bucephalus and punish the thief. And I will make sure that they understand what it means to revolt against Alexander!"

"Alexander, they might not know the horse they stole belongs to you. Maybe they would simply return him to you if you let them know that he belongs to you."

"Fine! Tell them that if they do not return my horse, then I will fell every tree in the land, and will not quit until the land turns barren, and slaughter every single creature in the land including the men!"

Alexander was frustrated, but he also knew that there was nothing he could do at this moment but listen to Hephaistion's advice. Fortunately, Bucephalus turned up with gifts and a letter of apology at the camp by the Caspian Sea a couple of days later before Alexander started destroying the local towns.

Alexander's mood changed instantly when he had his beloved horse back. Craterus thought that was the conclusion of the story, however, he ended up finding more truth behind it by accident. The night when Bucephalus returned was particularly hot, and the large amount of wine Craterus consumed at the celebration banquet made it worse. Craterus woke up on his cot drenched in sweats.

He stepped out of the tent rubbing off the sleep from his eyes. The gentle breeze from the Sea felt good against his sticky skin. He thought it would feel better if he dipped himself into the cool water, and he walked to the shore. As he came closer, he noticed that it was not only him who had the same idea; he saw two shadows on the beach.

Craterus grinned when he realized with the flowing long hair on both figures musing that he might be able to talk those women into coming back to his bed after dipping. He was about to greet them when he heard one of them talk, and quickly hid himself behind the rock. They were surely not women.

"What is it Hephaistion that you would like to talk to me? Are you going to beg me to share your king with you?"

Craterus' body stiffened, and he almost stepped out to punch this arrogant Persian eunuch when he realized to whom he was talking, yet he stayed behind the rock hearing Hephaistion's calm voice.

"I believe this belongs to you."

Hephaistion tossed something at Bagoas ignoring the eunuch's rude question. Craterus could not see what it was from where he stood, but it was obvious even in the dark that Bagoas was astounded seeing the object he caught in his hand.

"Di…did you tell Alexander?"

Bagoas stammered in trembling voice.

"There are two kinds in Alexander's world. One is like that turquoise talisman in your hand. He might adore the beauty and rarity for a short period of time, you have noticed how curious he is, haven't you?"

Craterus saw Bagoas nod automatically.

"But after the initial excitement passes, and his curiosity is satisfied, those will be forgotten and out of his life as quickly as they came. And there is another kind, like Bucephalus. Those live in Alexander's heart forever. You would not want to take them away from him. You have already seen how he would react if you tried, haven't you? He would hunt the person until he takes revenge. And believe me, he is pretty persistent."

"Does Alexander know?"

Bagoas' whole body was shaking with terror now.

"He did not recognize that the exquisite talisman belonged to you when he saw it among the gifts from the thief."

"And you did not tell him?"

"No."

"Why? Why didn't you tell him? You could have gotten rid of me, and would have had Alexander all to yourself."

Hephaistion shook his head.

"I already do, and so he does. Besides, I do not wish to take his toy away."

Craterus saw Bagoas crumble to the ground. The eunuch was made to know that the love he felt in his king for him was just a delusion. The further he chased the further it moved away just like a mirage in the desert. More so, he had never occupied Alexander's heart.

"Remember this. Jealousy blinds you, and gives you nothing but trouble."

With this, Hephaistion walked away leaving totally defeated Bagoas behind. Craterus looked at the back of the leaving Hephaistion as if he was watching a creature from another world. He did not understand this younger general at all.

_What makes him so sure about Alexander and himself? Why does he always put Alexander before himself and still can be so content?_

Unanswered questions whirled in his mind, and it made his head spin. The anger he felt a long time ago when Hephaistion protected Alexander and put him before himself even when he was in the most vulnerable state came back to him. Hephaistion did not need him once again. Craterus felt that he was cut short; he was rejected before even being given a chance.

When he realized that nothing would come between Alexander and Hephaistion, he hated their perfect and exclusive world. And when he realized that his world and Hephaistion's world would never cross to each other, Craterus decided to hate Hephaistion. He could play his own game to see if he could ever break Hephaistion. From that night on, Craterus became the worst detractor of Hephaistion.

He called Hephaistion a minion of Alexander, and accused him of being a bad influence on the King. He even wrote a letter to Queen Olympias warning her that Hephaistion would corrupt Alexander, and he was the reason why Alexander was not interested in marrying the queen and producing an heir, as the king should be. As a result, Alexander married Roxane, a princess of Bactria who had no significance in political gains, in order to do just enough to shut his mother up, yet still let her know that he was annoyed. Craterus felt that nothing seemed to work until yesterday.

**oooOooo**

Craterus recalled the scene in his mind. It started as usual; Craterus criticized and accused Hephaistion on everything, and Hephaistion ignored him. It should have ended right there, but Craterus was too irritated to let go so easily. He was tired, tired of this endless expedition. They had conquered Persia, Egypt, and now they were in a land that was not even on Aristotle's map. Still, Alexander did not wish to stop, and Craterus blamed Hephaistion for encouraging the king to be greedier. He had to stop it by eliminating the cause, which was by crushing Hephaistion.

The constant battle against the harsh elements in a foreign land caused Roxane to lose her first child, a son, with Alexander. Naturally, Craterus did not hesitate to use it against Hephaistion. He crossed the path of the younger general who was on his way to his tent after visiting Alexander, and caught Hephaistion by the arm.

"You are the one who is whispering nonsense into Alexander's ear while warming his bed. When do you tell him that it is enough? When do you tell him that he can stop now? "

Hephaistion yanked his arm to free it, but he did not say anything. He just looked at Craterus annoyingly, and started to leave.

"Now the Macedonians have sacrificed not only our king, but also the prince because of you."

"What do you mean?"

Hephaistion stopped abruptly, and pivoted.

"King Philip might still be alive if you did not drive him mad with your charm. The real victim is not you but the Macedonian kingdom, isn't it?"

All the colors drained out of Hephaistion's face.

"Did you … did you tell Alexander?"

Hephaistion's voice was suppressed, yet Craterus heard it loud and clear. Craterus swallowed hard seeing Hephaistion's blue eyes that were simmering with rage. He had never seen him so furious. Craterus had to try very hard to compose himself. Furious Hephaistion was ungodly beautiful. Craterus had just enough time to guard himself when Hephaistion unsheathed and attacked him.

The high-pitched metallic sounds of two colliding blades echoed through the camp, and Alexander came running to the spot.

"Stop it! Right this moment! Who started this? No, it does not matter! You both should be showing an example to the rest of the army. And Hephaistion, I had never expected this from you, especially from you. I trusted you! Remember, Hephaistion, you are nothing without me!"

**oooOooo**

Suddenly, the weight of Alexander's words, and what they really meant to Hephaistion hit Craterus, and he dropped his cup. His heart beat madly realizing how deeply he had hurt Hephaistion. So he finally accomplished defeating Hephaistion. He should be happy because this was what he wished for, wasn't it? Yet, his heart told him different.

Craterus gasped and stood up knocking down the table. Now everything was clear. He had been lying to himself all those years. He did not hate Hephaistion, but he loved Hephaistion. He pretended to hate the beautiful general, because he knew that he never could have him. As he had learned the truth now, he felt an urge to confess his feelings to Hephaistion. He might have the chance this time, since it was obvious that Hephaistion needed somebody else but Alexander after what Alexander had said to him.

TBC

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I believe that Craterus was commanding a different column and was not there when Nabarzanes came to plead to Alexander with Bagoas, but in this story, Alexander had not separated his army yet.**


	5. Chapter 5:  The Last Resort

**Chapter 5: **The Last Resort****

The time in the valley was between the night and the morning, too late to call it a night, and too early to call it a morning. Craterus stepped outside with a steady footstep. Despite confusion, his mind was clear as the sky above. Craterus felt that the shock of finding the true feeling deep inside of his heart made all the wine he had consumed throughout the night evaporate from his blood stream into the air.

He walked towards Hephaistion's tent in silent darkness. The full moon with a single star hung low at the horizon. A slight tint of a blue hue was the only thing that separated the sky from the earth in black shadows. The camp was in a deep sleep. When Craterus found himself in front of Hephaistion's tent, he hesitated for a moment. He was not so sure if this was a good idea any more.

Encouraging himself, Craterus took a deep breath before lifting the flap of Hephaistion's tent. The inside was dark and quiet. He carefully moved into the backside of the tent where Hephaistion's sleeping quarter was arranged.

"What do you want?"

As soon as Craterus opened the inner flap that separated the private space, Hephaistion's voice startled him. He did not expect Hephaistion to be up at this hour. As Craterus' eyes adjusted to the darkness, he saw the younger general stretched across the cot on his stomach with his arms folded under his forehead. He had changed into a white soft robe of thin linen.

"Why are you here?"

Hephaistion asked again without looking up at the intruder.

"I …"

The voice stuck at the back of his dry throat, and Craterus had to pause and swallow.

"I need to talk to you."

"Why? Wasn't it enough what you said to me earlier?"

"Please, Hephaistion, I must."

"You must what?"

The younger General sprung up to sit upright, and swung his legs over the side of the cot to face Craterus. Even in the darkness, Craterus saw Hephaistion's eyes burning with blue flames just like earlier when they had confronted each other.

"You must make sure that I was defeated?"

"No, please Hephaistion, listen."

Hephaistion looked at Craterus for a long moment, but he finally agreed when he did not see any signs of aggression on the other man's face.

"Fine."

Hephaistion leaned forward to put elbows on his laps and interlaced his long fingers clasping two hands together. His silky hair fanned around his face hiding any expressions that might have crossed.

"Do you remember when we first met? I was thirteen years old, and you were just a small kid."

Hephaistion did not answer for not understanding where this conversation was leading. Craterus continued.

"When I saw you smiled at me through the crack of the bush, I thought I had seen Eros. Even back then, you and Alexander seemed to belong to a different world, the world of myth. And I wished to be a part of it."

Hephaistion lifted his head and glared at the older General, but there was a hint of confusion and uncertainty in his dark blue eyes.

"Although I climbed up a steady step of the army ladder in Philip's Macedonian Court, there always was this throbbing ache in my heart of not belonging to the new world that was represented by you and Alexander."

Craterus paused for a moment before continuing.

"I longed for it more as I witnessed what kind of bond you and Alexander had shared when you presented a stallion to King Philip after we came back from Byzantium. Or rather, how Alexander felt about you. You should have seen Alexander's maddening eyes that were directed to his own father. "

Hephaistion's eyes widened, but he kept silence.

"You two were Achilles and Patroclus indeed. You truly were living the world of myth. And when King Philip did the terrible thing to you, and Parmenion and I were the only witnesses along with two pages, I thought the gods had finally given me a chance. I thought you would surely treat me as your trusted friend, and I would become a part of your world. Instead, you acted as if nothing had happened to conceal it from Alexander."

Craterus paused for a moment to compose himself.

"So, I went to Alexander, and told him that his own father had raped you."

Hephaistion flinched hearing the word 'rape' and murmured.

"I begged you not to tell Alexander."

"I know, but you have to understand. I thought if you did not take me in to your world, then Alexander would. He would value a man who was honest with him, wouldn't he? And I would say that my plan worked well since he called me 'philbasileus', don't you agree?"

The blue flames were back in Hephaistion's orbs.

"But on the other hand you, Hephaistion, you continued to avoid facing the truth, and ignored me. You did exactly the same thing about Bagoas. You shielded Alexander again from the painful truth when you knew that Bagoas was behind Bucephalus' disappearance."

"Did you tell that to Alexander, too?"

Hephaistion pushed the words between his teeth.

"No, I did not. I thought why should I get rid of the source of your pain. And at the same time, I realized that I would never be a part of the secluded world that only you and Alexander shared. So I decided to hate you for keeping the King only to yourself."

"Now, you should be happy then. Alexander thinks of me as nothing!"

The sparks of anger made the younger man tremble.

"That was what I thought. I should be happy, because I finally could pry you off the King. But the truth was that my heart felt otherwise, I was not happy at all. As a matter of fact, my heart bled as if Alexander's words were directed to me. And then, it hit me. I had been lying to myself. I did not hate you, but I loved you. I do love you, Hephaistion. Ever since I first saw your smile, I yearned for it to be only for me."

Hephaistion's eyes grew twice the size, and he blinked a few times in an effort to understand what Craterus had just said.

"I know that you love Alexander unconditionally, but Alexander does not love you in the same way. As you heard him earlier, he thinks of you as nothing without him. He knows that you had been tainted by his father."

Hephaistion's face contorted with pain, and he dropped his head over his knees. Craterus moved closer to the younger General to kneel in front of him, and covered Hephaistion's clenched hands with his larger ones.

"Hephaistion, please accept my love and be mine."

"No!"

Hephaistion stood up so abruptly that Craterus almost fell backwards on his bottom.

"If you do Craterus, you sure have such a strange way of showing it."

"I explained it to you. I did not notice that I loved you."

"No, it is not love, Craterus. You do not understand. You have mistaken love with possession. I do not belong to anybody!"

Craterus too stood up and grabbed smaller man's shoulders.

"What is the difference between Alexander's love and mine? You belonged to Alexander!"

Craterus shook Hephaistion violently. Frustration and anger once again started to build up inside of him. Hephaistion repeated; his voice was surprisingly calm.

"You do not understand, Craterus. You should leave now."

"No! You are the one who does not see the truth. I do love you, Hephaistion. Why don't you realize that it is Alexander who is possessive of you?"

Craterus lost himself. Hephaistion was doing it again; he was still defending Alexander after all this. He pushed the younger General hard with all his might. Hephaistion fell backwards on the cot with one foot dangling from the edge touching the ground, and the other bent at the knee and completely in the cot. Craterus pinned the smaller man with his full body weight knocking the air out of Hephaistion's lungs.

Hephaistion tried to punch and kick him, but Craterus grabbed Hephaistion's wrists with one hand, and pushed them down over his head while settling himself between Hephaistion's thighs before Hephaistion could regain control. Craterus watched a panic and fear cross Hephaistion's clear blue eyes before crushing his mouth onto Hephaistion's. The pale light of dawn had just started to reach inside the tent.

Before Craterus could have a full taste of the lips he had desired for so long, he was pulled away from Hephaistion by a tremendous force, and he found himself falling on the ground hard on his bottom.

"Leave!"

Alexander's red face was looking down at him. Craterus stood up slowly without understanding what had just happened. Alexander's body was shaking with his fists clenched tightly by his sides while looking at Hephaistion who still lay on the cot with one arm crossed over his eyes.

"I'm sorry Hephaistion. I did not know … I did not mean …"

Alexander's words trembled with anxiety. Hephaistion cut in.

"Alexander, you'd better leave, too."

Hephaistion's flat and firm voice was the last words that Craterus heard before leaving the tent.

**oooOooo**

On the next day, Alexander decided to turn his army around. To Craterus' surprise, both Alexander and Hephaistion acted as if nothing had happened between Craterus and Hephaistion. They totally ignored him with the issue. Yet, he felt something had subtly changed between the King and his most trusted General. It took Craterus a while but he had noticed that Hephaistion now avoided eye contacts with Alexander let alone smiling at him.

As if to punish himself, Alexander took the harshest route while ordering Nearchus to sail down the Indus River, and Craterus to lead the rest of the army through the northern mountainous area. Seeing the younger General wear thick cold ice whenever he was around Alexander, Craterus left their sides with hope. He thought that he might still have a chance.

Yet, when he rejoiced with Alexander and Hephaistion in Carmania, he felt that the heat of the desert had melted Hephaistion's ice slightly. By the time they arrived at Susa and Alexander and Hephaistion had officially become a family, the ice had almost melted away. Craterus was made to know once again that his path would never cross with Hephaistion's especially now Alexander was sending him back to Macedon with ten thousand discharged veterans.

Craterus was devastated. While Alexander and Hephaistion ruled the world in Babylon, he would be confined in Pella; too many mountains, rivers and plains were between him and Hephaistion. His feverish mind could not act with reason any longer.

'_If I cannot have you, then nobody can.'_

Craterus wrote a letter to Bagoas and threatened him that he would tell Alexander about Bucephalus and his cunning plan if he did not do what he said. In exchange for his silence, he told Bagoas to murder Hephaistion. Craterus did not receive the reply from Bagoas, but he received the news on one cold winter day that Hephaistion had died in Ecbatana.

Just like on that day after he had confronted Hephaistion, his heart was heavy even if that was what he had wished for. The cold wind speared through his empty heart. Nine month later when he was still on the way to Macedon, another news reached Craterus. Now the great Alexander was dead. Craterus felt himself so insignificant. Even death seemed not to be able to separate Alexander and Hephaistion too long.

**oooOooo**

After Alexander's death, Craterus allied with Antipater, and fought against the Athenians. He later married a daughter of Antipater from a political reason, yet he had never given his heart to her. The world came to chaos without the mighty king. The comrades who had fought together before were now fighting against each other. Craterus also fought against allies of Perdiccas and Eumenes along with Antigonus and Ptolemy.

Craterus was at the battle against Eumenes near the Hellespont, the place where they first crossed over thirteen years ago full of anticipation and dreams. At that time, he was against the Persians, but now he was against his own kind. He charged just like at the battle of Granicus where he led a battalion under Parmenion's command, the only difference now was that he was commanding the whole wing on horseback instead.

Craterus gasped and hesitated for a moment as he thought that he had seen unmistakable Alexander and Hephaistion's helmets at a far plain in front on the horseback at full speed. Sensing the master's confusion, Craterus' horse tripped and fell crushing Craterus underneath.

"_Remember this. Jealousy blinds you, and gives you nothing but trouble."_

Hephaistion's voice rang in his ear. Craterus remembered that he used to accuse Hephaistion of being the cause of the destruction of the kingdom, but he now realized that it was his jealousy that destroyed the kingdom. Coughing up blood, Craterus smiled cynically.

'_How appropriate for me to die such a dishonorable death.' _

Yet, nothing mattered for Craterus any more except for one thing and that was the fact that he still loved Hephaistion. Craterus felt his soul starting to gradually dissolve away into the blue sky; the same color as his most beloved desire.

**The End**


End file.
